At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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