i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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