This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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