I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'm really busy with my period
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