so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
