i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
