I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
