Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
