hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
