shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
