So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
