remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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