So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
