also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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