last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Randomize
