sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
