maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I stole a fireplace last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
