Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
