I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
