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So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
