Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
