I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
