Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Do vagina's smell?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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