Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
