.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
