I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
