Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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