Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
