A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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