she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
