did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
