Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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