so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
