with your own penis?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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