Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize