if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
