So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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