she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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