Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
