how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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