Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
