I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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