Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
