I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
