I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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