She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
