You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
