Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
