dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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