my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
