I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
