How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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