no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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