I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
