i think my mom watched the whole time
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize