I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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