I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Text me some of your sweat
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
