I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
