You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
