What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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