whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
