Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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