How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
