I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
