You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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