He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize