I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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