Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
