Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
