Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
