I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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