Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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