Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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