Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
