In the future we'll all be gay
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
