you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
